Outwardly wasting away...

I'm falling apart.
My knees and hips are horrible.
And it is so hard. I haven't been physically fine since... 5th grade? It's been 5 years-- you do the math. I know are others with my serious, grave ailments than I. But it's still extremely difficult for me, as I'm not accustomed to these physical limitations.
As I'm walking around my room, I'm moaning a bit because my knees are dead. I've done virtually no excercize in the past week. I've walked around the mall and such, but that doesn't count.
I admire people who have been through so much more than I have-- Abi, Abby, Mrs. Lim, the Kostjuks, the list is pretty long. And they are all so strong.

I see a docor on the 20th. I am really thrilled and really frightened. But I'm doing my best to trust Him and rest in His promises.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I always new this, but it brings new meaning now that I'm falling apart. Even despite my issues, He is still for me. He is still a good and gracious God. I am still unfailingly loved by Him.
I'm re-reading Elizabeth George's Loving God With All Your Mind. It's a definitely encouragement to me, as it deals with the thought life, trials, physical afflictions, and so much more. In one paticular chapter, she suggests preparing and planning for doctor's appointments like Edith Shaeffer did. Her husband had cancer, a far more serious illness!
Anyway, I've decided to bring along some materials ot busy myself with while waiting. My doctor, Dr. S., is an orthopedic specialist. He is supposed to be fantastic, though busy, which is why I've had to wait a month and why I'll probably have to wait a while before the appointment. It really helps me to think about what I can bring and do on that day. I know I'll be extremely nervous-- I hate going to the doctor and I think I'm allergic to something all doctor's offices have (I have no idea what it is, but my eyes always grow red and watery in all sorts of doctor's offices). Anyway, I'm thinking I'll bring my favorite magazine, Real Simple, my iPod, and my volume of Sherlock Holme's tales. All of it is pretty distracting, thankfully.
This is all so new to me. If you have any encouragement, advice, or ideas for me, please do share. I need support. :)

1 comment:

Oksana said...

Hi Bethany! I found your blog through the link on your Rebelution profile. I'm not quite sure what to say -- I mean, that must be so tough to deal with -- but you have my prayers and support! :) Hope the pre-appointment days go by peacefully and calmly, and that the appointment brings you some good news!